Lamentations 3:22-26

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "the Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." The lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.

Lamentations was written by Jeremiah around 586 B.C. Jerusalem had just been destroyed by the Babylonians. It was a time of great sorrow and pain. Jeremiah wrote this lament about his home and his people, but remembered that the Lord loves him and that the Lord would not break his promises.

This has become one of my very favorite verses. I stumbled across it one day this past semester when I was just having a terrible day. I was upset about a lot of things and I was begging God to tell me why my life sucked so much. I had decided to do my devotion later that day. I had been reading in Acts, which is my favorite book, but it just didn't feel right that day. So I closed my Bible, closed my eyes, reopened my Bible and pointed to a random verse. This is where I ended up.

When I did that I wasn't looking for spiritual guidance. I wasn't looking for some kind of divine intervention or an answer. But that is what I was given. It's moments like this that make me feel so deeply connected to my faith. These moments reassure me that I'm on the right path and that I shouldn't doubt myself. In general I don't recommend opening up to a random place in the Bible to seek guidance. I really didn't. I was just looking for a place to read. I tend to not venture into the later chapters of the Old Testament--a habit I'm trying to change.

The thing that really got me about this verse is what I got out of reading it. This verse is about patience. It is about putting your faith in God and having enough faith to know that he will do good things if you are faithful. God isn't going to give us all of the answers right when we ask for them. It's not how it works. If we had all of the answers we were looking for--especially at the age of 20, what would be the point in living? The life God gave us is so unique, why would he waste it by telling us everything, making everything perfect?

I can't pick a favorite part of this verse because every part is so powerful.

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.

God loves us! He loves us so much that he sacrificed his own son so that we may be saved from Satan's wrath. In Genesis God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac to show his true faithfulness. Abraham followed the Lord's command but before Isaac could be killed, the Lord came to Abraham and rewarded him for his faith. In a way, God sacrificing his son shows how much faith he has in us.

It is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.

Everything happens for a reason. I have found that the more patient I am, the more things turn out Ok. Don't let your mind fight what your heart tells you is right. I doubt myself so much and I know that the Lord has faith in me. I need to have more faith in him. It's okay to ask God for answers. It's not logical to expect him to give you a definitive answer on the spot. A lot of people ask for "signs" and expect some sort of beam of light to shine down or a dove to fly by, or something. God does give us signs, but they are much more subtle than that. That's the thing. You can't just sit down and pray one day and expect God to answer. You must have FAITH. When you have faith its easier to see the hidden things that God puts in your life.

Looking back, I wish I'd had more faith, more desire for a relationship with God when I was in high school. I can't change the past, but I can make my own future--a future full of God and full of the joys that God brings to life.

Reasons

It's not just one thing that makes me wish I was 7 hours north.

It's waking up to a bird dive-bombing my window. It's sharing a bathroom with 5 other girls and somehow being to breakfast on time and hour after we wake up. It is getting up at 6 to take a shower so I don't have to wait. It's sitting on the deck playing Bomb half-asleep while I wait for breakfast. It's smelling the bacon before I walk into the Dining Hall and knowing that Erin and Heather are in the kitchen. It's squeezing all of us onto the couches when it is way to cold to sit outside. It's seeing the day campers run up to give everyone a huge hug when they arrive. It is even splitting up to clean the bathrooms so it gets done faster. It's lathering sunscreen on and squatting down on the shoreline to dip my hands in so the grease will go away. It's sitting on the guard stand having a quiet conversation. It's laying on the dock using the guard tube as a pillow. It's being thrown in the water when I least expect it. It's hearing little kids beg for my attention to see how well they swim. It's wet hugs from Samantha. It's the shrill, piercing sound when I blow my whistle and hear my voice project over the chaos. It's yelling at teenage boys who think they're all that. It's planning and leading team building activities. It's seeing the sense of accomplishment when a teem finally gets it. It's the sense of accomplishment I get when the team thanks me. It's falling exhausted from the day onto my bed. It's having a party in my room when I'm beyond tired. It's rocking out to music when we have nothing else. It's laughing hysterically at things that have happened and being able to laugh just as hard over them later. It's knowing that when I go to sleep I have five other girls to watch my back. It's knowing that I don't have to worry about spiders because 14 people are willing to do whatever it takes to prevent me from even seeing them.

It's knowing that I'm loved.

It's having deep conversations.

It's knowing that there are people that I will always be able to count on.

It's having a boss that always keeps me on my toes.

It's my job.

It's the best part of my life.

That's what makes me daydream, what makes me sad, and what makes me I was 7 hours north.

Imagine for a moment that you understand

No matter how many times I try to explain it, no one will understand. So I just don't bother anymore. I go along with life pretending everything is okay, when really it just isn't. I laugh and I joke but its all an act. I've gotten good at that. Have you ever watched someone you love die? It is heartbreaking. Imagine your best friend succombing to a long battle with an illness. And then you get the call that they are gone. How do you feel? That's how I feel. That's the call I got yesterday. My mom found her laying in her litter box barely breathing. She had to take her to the vet and just get it over with. Sound overly dramatic? Too bad. I love my cat more than I love most of my friends. I care about her more than I care about anyone in this world. And now she is gone. Sure tell me that you are so sorry. That you understand. But you don't. Just because you've lost a pet doesn't mean you do. Because Calli wasn't a pet. She was a sister. Dramatic again? Wrong. Thats how my family is. Our animals are family members. Despite what anyone might say, animals are people too. They have distinct personalities, likes and dislikes. And I just lost a family member. A very important one. The first person I greeted whenever I got home will never come to greet me again. She will never come into my room and sleep on my clothes. She will never sit under the Christmas tree between the presents. And I can't handle that. At all. I know that the pain should dull, the way it did with Bam, but right now it just feels like it won't. I don't want to let her go. I don't want to go home and not have someone to feed and take care of. I don't want to not have to yell at Sherlock to leave her alone. I would give so much just to pet her one more time, as she was before she got sick. Before she was only fur and bones. When the vet told us she could lose some weight instead of that she was anorexic. I lost my two favorite people in the world to cancer. We knew it was coming for ten years with grandma, but this was so quick. I didn't even know until two weeks ago. And it hurts even more because I know that she tried not to die while I was home. But every day I saw her get worse and worse. And I knew it was going to happen, but I didn't want to believe it. I still don't want to believe it. But it has happened. She is gone. And I can't do anything about it. And I can't tell anyone how badly it really feels. I don't care if they think I'm lame or dramatic. They don't know her, just like they didn't know Bam. I just can't get rid of the empty feeling. There's nothing I can do. I miss her so much.